Starting Over...for the last time

I'm like so many people out there. I have a weight problem. I guess calling it a "problem" is probably understating it a little. I've been obese since I can remember. I was on my first diet at age 6 and wearing at women's size 12 (a little tight in the thighs) at age 12. The running joke growing up was that if food was missing SarahJane ate it. That become a self-fulfilling prophecy for me. If food was around I ate it. If food wasn't around I went searching for it. While all the other kids played hide-and-seek at birthday parties, I went searching and stayed within reach of the rice crispy treats. As time went on, I felt further and further alienated from the average person and closer and and closer to my long-time friend, food.

Like most people I've tried most diets out there. Weight watchers worked great. I lost 20 pounds and couldn't wait to get back to eating "normally". (Gained 30 back after I left, btw). The grapefruit diet lasted 1 day and NutriSystem was great for 2 weeks, until I got tired of eating re-hydrated cardboard. In the extreme, I even wished I was anorexic (not something I would wish on anyone, but just goes to show how desperate I was).

I've dieted and failed many many times in my life and for the past few years I had come to accept that I would always be fat. I'm big-boned. I like to eat. I'm addicted to food. I was born to be fat.

Yet none of those things are actually true.

I've always prided myself on being in control of my life. I've accomplished amazing things. I've always turned roadblocks into opportunities and forged ahead through them, yet my weight is something that has weighed (forgive the pun) on me for decades. Until now.

I've finally come to the realization that food isn't my friend. It never was. I see now that if I'm going to lose weight and keep it off I have to change my way of thinking about food. In order to do this I've taken some extreme (for me) measures. I'm seeing a therapist to change my relationship with food and to reprogram my thoughts, I found a workout partner and joined a gym close by, and I hired a trainer. I'm serious this time. I'm ready to change. I'm ready to leave this so called "friend" behind and use food for what it's intended: to fuel my body so that I can enjoy life.

I'm going to blog my meals, my accomplishments (whether they be food related or workout related), and generally anything related to this journey. This is my accountability.

I'm starting over...for the last time.